why worship?

thank you for reading and commenting! i really appreciate your thoughts! =)

joe, i'm not sure if the two-headed monsters lived in mesopatamia!

and esther, i remember those long talks - you probably ask the deepest questions of anyone i know! i miss those times...

why worship in general? or why do i want to pursue worship as a more full-time thing?

i suppose i can answer both of those questions at the same time.

growing up in the stereotypical asian home, i learned classical piano and (insert another instrument here _______) in my case, flute. i practiced at least a couple times between lessons, and got to the point where i was competing and felt like it was an important part of my life. then senior year of high school, i had to decide what major with which to apply for college, and music did not make the cut - for me or my parents..... asian fear of instability, perhaps?

then it happens that senior year of high school, i also started helping out with worship, and more leadership in church. i was the worst ever... i never practiced, i never got the team to practice... and our youth leader was SO super-patient with me. but through that, i started to fall in love with Jesus more, because there's something about music that's directed at our Creator that makes it so beautiful.

then in college, i met lots of really passionate worshippers - some were worship leaders, some were just people who really loved God. and i learned even more how to live my life sacrificially in worship. how to have real, crazy faith, and how to pray.

this last story is why i can't do just music. last year, i went on a cruise with my family and met a jazz pianist who inspired me to want to pursue music professionally. he loved what he did and he got to travel the world and meet lots of cool people, and he got to play great music all day. so i went home, and prayed and fasted about this for several weeks. and when God finally answered, he told me to use my musical talent for worship only. for those of you musicians out there, i'm not professional-hating... i'm just saying this is what God wanted for me. i think it's because my heart is easily drawn away and i might not be strong enough to be able to withstand the temptations of the secular music industry.

so right now i love what i do at church - playing for worship and playing all different styles of music, stuff i never thought i could do. and i love that i get to do it with a really cool bunch of people who sharpen and encourage me. and that it's not about being on stage or even playing cool music - it's about pleasing the heart of God.

i can't imagine how this all will materialize - only God knows. but it's keeping me up wondering, for sure, like tonight!